Learn to speak Southern... - Miscellaneous

Learn to speak Southern...
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The Joke
Before heading south for a vacation, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...Hah Tu Spek Suthun:BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."FAR - noun. A conflagration.Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."BAHS - noun. A supervisor.Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."TIRE - noun. A tall monument.Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."RETARD - Verb. To stop working.Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."FARN - adjective. Not local.Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."JU-HERE - a question.Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?" HAZE - a contraction.Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
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