Human DNA Code (C) God - Computers - Free collection of jokes

Human DNA Code (C) God
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The Joke
God's Human DNA CodeFor many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that verylittle of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that therest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin asfollows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C) God / / Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from * elephant-dna.c * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made * darker to match my own image. * 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate. * 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height. * 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population * density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem. * 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of * CD. / / Standard definitions / #define SEX male#define HEIGHT 1.84#define MASS 68#define RACE caucasian / Include inherited traits from parent DNA files. * * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper * inheritance features. / #include "mother.h"#include "father.h" #infndef FATHER#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")#include "bastard.h"#endif / Set up sex-specific functions and variables /#include / Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper * library sometime soon. /struct genitals {#ifdef MALE Penis jt;#endif /* G_spot g; Removed for debugging purposes /#ifdef FEMALE Vagina p;#endif } / Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication. * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers /DNA zygote_initialize(Sperm , Ovum ); /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE * * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism * to display at birth. * * Will be improved later to make output less ugly. /Characteristic lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);=== ...and so on. [ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]
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